I never thought I’d find myself blogging. It always sounded like one of those obscure Nordic games—like bandy or skeleton or curling. And while I’m not a total klutz, I’ve known for a long time that my gifts don’t extend to anything athletic.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered that ‘blog’ is actually short for ‘weblog’, first used by Jorn Barger in 1997. Web log. Okay,that I can do. I’ve been keeping journals for years.

In 1999, Peter Merholz thought he’d be funny and divided the word as ‘we blog’ on his site, Peterme.com . Which led to blog and blogging. And the rest, as they say, is history. Or whatever you care to blog about.

I thought this would be a piece of cake. I mean, I’m a woman. I can go on a ten hour car ride with a lady friend and never run out of things to say. A web log should be nothing.

Hmmm. Let’s just say that I have learned that skill in one medium does not necessarily transfer to another medium. The first time I needed to come up with a blog, I sat for hours in front of that cold, white screen. What could I have to say that anyone would possibly be interested in hearing? And I was right. No one commented.

In fact, I’m still not getting any comments. But a strange thing has happened. I like blogging–notice I said like, not love. So I’ll keep on keeping on. One of these days I’ll be discovered and the rest as they say…well, you get the picture.

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“Too much pride
 can put you to shame.
 It’s wiser to be humble.”                          (Proverbs 11:2 Contemporary English Version)

I strode to the information desk at my church and smiled at the man behind the counter. “I was told there’s a gift left for me back there somewhere.” He furrowed his brow and asked for my name. He rummaged through papers and boxes as I explained that I hadn’t been able to attend the leaders’ dinner last Thursday and our Women’s Ministry leader told me she had a gift for me at the information desk. Occasionally, in the past, Mary Ann had given me gift cards for Starbucks or a manicure after I’d written questions for a book we used that particular semester.

Overhearing my explanation, a woman behind the desk showed him a pile of thin booklets that had a note on top. She handed me one of the booklets. I was confused. “I think there’s a gift bag somewhere for me. You see, I wrote questions for one of the studies they used and I think Mary Ann had a gift for me as well.” They looked some more, but could find nothing. I thanked them and walked away. There must be some mistake. There had to be something else. They just weren’t looking hard enough. But…

Just then, I saw Mary Ann, our Women’s Ministry leader. I smiled and held up the slim volume of devotions. “I got my gift.”

“Isn’t it nice? We wanted it to be a surprise.” She hugged my shoulders and graced me with a warm smile that made her eyes sparkle.

“It’s great,” I enthused, feeling about two inches tall. But you know what was even worse? I had just gotten out of church and the sermon was on humility! I even took notes! Obviously, I was listening with my ears but not my heart.

I love writing questions for studies because I love the feeling of working with the Lord. But, it also presents me with the hardest battle of my life—the battle against my pride. The enemy has a field day with me. If I didn’t have God to fight for me and help me, I’d be lost. It’s a daily struggle. Do you remember those cartoons with the little white angel on one shoulder and the little red devil on the other? That’s me.

But the other thing I battle is worry. Worry that I’m not doing it right—that I’m not presenting what God wants the ladies to hear. Worry that my own thoughts and words are taking precedence over His. Worry is a form of pride as well.

So I pray—a lot. And ask forgiveness when I’m looking for a gift bag when I should be thankful for the opportunity to serve Him!

“Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God.” (Philippians 4:6 CEV)

When I hear that my questions touch people, I count it as God’s way of saying to me, “Well done my good and faithful servant.” It’s His blessing to me. He’s not obligated in any way to let me know that I’m doing it the way He wants it done, but He has mercy on me and, through the comments from others, lets me know that I’m on the right track. He knows that I need that reassurance. It’s His way of showing me His love and I’m so grateful and thankful to Him.

And that’s the only gift I really need.

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     Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your
requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

(Philippians 4:6-7 New International Version)

I’ve been pursuing the peace that “transcends all understanding” most of my life. I’ve had glimpses of it and imagine it’s what heaven will be like—only about a million times better.

It’s the “do not be anxious” part that trips me up. It seems as if there’s always something to be anxious about. Is it like that for you too? I feel as if I’m constantly taking things to Him in prayer, and my petition list has gotten so long that I have to write it down or I won’t remember all of it.

The thanksgiving part can be hard as well. Most of the time, I really don’t feel too thankful for what I’m praying about. Let’s face it. If we’re anxious about something, we’re not usually thankful for it, are we? Maybe that’s really the crux of the problem. How do we bring all our problems and petitions to God with thanksgiving? Thanksgiving for what? For illness? For heartache? For loss? For unanswered prayer?

When our daughter, Beth, was in the seventh grade, my husband got a new job. It meant moving to a new city that was far away from where she’d grown up. Away from her school. Away from her friends. Needless to say, she was miserable.

My parents came to help with the packing and such, and one day, my Dad went to pick Beth up at school. As they were riding home, she unloaded all her woes on her Grandfather and finished by saying, “Has anything this terrible ever happened to you?”

He replied, “My Mom died when I was thirteen.”

It got quiet in the car. Then after a few seconds, Beth said, “I guess that’s worse.” (I was relieved to hear that.)

She was anxious about the future—a future in a new place where she wouldn’t know anyone and everything would be unfamiliar. She was forgetting that her Mom and Dad would be there, and her brother. She wouldn’t be handling it alone.

And that’s what we do too. When tragedy strikes, we get anxious about what’s coming up. We worry about how we’re going to cope. We forget the most important thing. We won’t be handling it alone.

In Jesus Calling, Sarah Young writes, “Anxiety is a result of envisioning the future without Me [God].” (October 17) We won’t be handling it alone. And for that, we can be abundantly thankful.

So bring all your worries and troubles to God, with thanks that He will go before you, behind you, or carry you—whatever it takes—through this time. And “before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.” (Philippians 4:7 The Message)

 

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And so does God. In Psalm 27, verse 8, David writes about hearing God speak to his heart.

My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

(New Living Translation)

In this blog space, we’ll look at how we, as ordinary women, can relate to God. How do we find the peace He promises to give us, the peace that passes understanding? What does it mean to really trust Him? How can He expect us to be joyful in all circumstances? These are just a few of the topics we’ll wrestle with here. With God’s help, we’ll understand Him better and feel much closer to Him. That’s all He really wants.

So the Lord must wait for you to come to him
so he can show you his love and compassion.
For the Lord is a faithful God.
Blessed are those who wait for his help.

(Isaiah 30:18 NLT)

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Sure, many writers talk about treating it like a job. How they produce a set number of words or pages a day. Some work for a prescribed number of hours.

What they don’t tell you is when you’re not writing, you’re thinking about writing. Your storyline is always in the back of your mind. Something will happen during the day that excites a whole new train of thought and you’ll miss what’s being said to you. Dinner out with a spouse becomes an opportunity to get feedback on how a character would react in a given situation. Writing requires that the people closest to you be willing to get immersed in what’s going on in your latest book…because that’s where you’ll be living for a while.

I’m new to this writing thing and I can tell you if I’d started when my children were small, I would have been jailed for neglect. My husband and I would be divorced and he’d have custody. That’s how bad it is. Just kidding. But I certainly have a new respect for young authors with families.

When I’m on a roll, I don’t want to stop for anything. Luckily, I’m married to a wonderful man who brings me food at the appropriate times and even massages my neck occasionally.

I’m trying to determine my boundaries because when I look at some of histories greatest writers it didn’t always end well for them. Take O. Henry, Dylan Thomas, and Truman Capote who all died of liver disease due to alcoholism. Then there’s Ernest Hemingway. Well, you get the picture.

Just as with AA, there are meetings for authors, both local and regional. However, rather than help you deal with your addiction, the people at these meetings actually encourage you to write more! Some provide classes on improving your craft so that you can get published making sure you will become well and truly hooked.

An old adage comes to mind: Misery loves company. And yet it’s an exquisite misery. I know I must learn balance. Balance between my writing and my life. Or I must give it up—my writing I mean. Not my life.

Being a Christian writer, I have the perfect example of balance in Jesus’ life. He juggled a demanding ministry and time with his disciples with time set aside for rest and for prayer. In Mark 6:31, Jesus says, “Let’s go off to a quiet place by ourselves and rest awhile.” (New Living Translation) As for praying, according to Luke 5:16, “Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer.” (NLT) But one thing shines through as we read the Gospel stories. Jesus always had time for someone else. That’s the kind of balance I want for my life.

I know I’ll always struggle with one thing or another. Today it’s balance in my life. Tomorrow it may be something totally different. But it’s okay. Every day I pray, “Each morning let me learn
more about your love
because I trust you. I come to you in prayer asking for your guidance.” (Psalm 143:8 Contemporary English Version) Guidance in my writing. Guidance in my relationships. Guidance to do Your will whatever that may be.

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